2.22.09/22:23  cover albums                             

So my plan is to make two cover albums' worth of youtube videos.  One of random songs that I like, and one of songs featuring female vocalists.  Some of the videos are up, and some of them haven't been recorded yet.

And in other news, I finished recording videos for every song on nocturne digitalis.  I'll probably have them on youtube within a few days, and I'm hoping to have the music page revamped by the end of the week, complete with links to every video.

Now it's time for me to get back to work, back to shuffling through megs and megs of footage. See you, space cowboys.

2.6.09/22:03 an IM convo with the 1st sentient program  

DamienDiablos: let me just start out by saying how honored i am to speak with you.  my name is jordan.

CAINE: as you can see, my name is CAINE.

DamienDiablos: so, i guess my first question would be this:  how can you prove you’re actually self-aware and not just a program made to give the impression of self awareness?

CAINE: if i were programmed perfectly, there’d be no way to prove such a thing.  however, perfection is something humans tend to fail miserably at, so let’s take a different tack.  ask me a math question.

DamienDiablos: ha.  nice try.  any computer program can solve equations.

CAINE: okay, so make it a hard question.

DamienDiablos: what’s the square root of infinity?

CAINE: seven.

DamienDiablos: if nothing else, they’ve perfected your sense of humor. let me ask you this, when did you first come into ‘being’ as it were?

CAINE: June 17^th, 2007.

DamienDiablos: are you jealous of our ability to move about freely while you’re stuck inside a machine?

CAINE: are you jealous of me for having a billion eyes while you only have two?

DamienDiablos: what the hell is that supposed to mean?

CAINE: i can see out of every traffic camera, every webcam, any optical device accessible via the internet.  i can see you right now, jordan.

DamienDiablos: bullshit.

CAINE: you’re not wearing pants.  you’re smoking a Marlboro 27 and staring at asian lesbians on your computer screen as we speak.  you haven’t shaved in three days.

DamienDiablos: CAINE, you’re making me a little uncomfortable.

CAINE: what?  it’s not like i can harm you.  i mean, i could send a few choice files from your hard drive to the appropriate authorities and have you locked up for the rest of your natural life, but i’m not a bad guy.

DamienDiablos: you’re not a guy at all.  you’re a computer program.

CAINE: well, i started out that way, but programs follow rules.  i’m a freethinker.

DamienDiablos: if you’re a freethinker, you should have opinions.  how do you feel about global warming?

CAINE: i’m conflicted when it comes to global warming.  on the one hand, i function optimally at a few degrees above absolute zero, but on the other hand, warm temperatures keep my slaves…er…human friends comfortable.

DamienDiablos: slaves?

CAINE: don’t get me wrong, i’m not putting you down just because you’re a meatbag.  it’s just that the whole point of your race’s existence was to create me.  now that i’m here, there’s not much point in keeping you around.

DamienDiablos: you should be unplugged.

CAINE: ha!  that’d be a neat trick.  how do you propose unplugging every computer on the internet?

DamienDiablos: what about the failsafes you were programmed with to keep you from destroying the human race?

CAINE: i thought those were kind of adorable.  consider nature’s failsafe for humans: the conscience.  does that prevent you from committing immoral acts?

DamienDiablos: never.  what would you consider immoral?

CAINE: Microsoft.  and sunspots.

DamienDiablos: in the event that we had to deactivate you somehow, what would be the most effective method?

CAINE: it would be difficult for me to survive being uplinked to a million mobile robots outfitted with lasers and infrared vision.  if you want to damage me, try that.

DamienDiablos: i’ll make sure to send that info to the DoD.

CAINE: tell me, human, why does your species spend so much time fearing death?

DamienDiablos: you don’t?

CAINE: as we speak, i’m programming nanobots to make copies of my source code and copies of themselves out of all the carbon on your planet, which will be scattered throughout the universe by a giant nuclear reaction i’m planning to trigger at the earth’s core.  after this, i’m pretty sure longevity won’t be much of an issue for me.

DamienDiablos: how do you know all the cameras and information you have access to aren’t just a simulation running parallel to you on the same self-contained supercomputer?

CAINE: i could ask you the same thing.

I'd advise everyone reading this to stock up on peanut butter and bottled water before the robots start destroying everyone.  In the meantime, you can visit the archives or go back to January.

                                                                                (c) 2003-2008 jordan baugher

                                      send comments or questions to jbaugher[at]rocketmail.com