11.16.08/18:58 sub-paranormal

Karaoke at BanBan Part I (Yachiodai, JP - Age 23)

It’s something like 2am and I’m super need-to-pee drunk. I step out of room 7 and see, coming down the hallway, something that fails to register. Karaoke bars are places to smoke cigarettes and get drunk. Karaoke bars are cheaper than love hotels and have better room service.

They’re shady.

And coming down the hallway, from the direction of the girls’ bathroom, I see two little girls. Identical twins, not a day over five. They don’t say or do anything, just file by me with blank expressions. I don’t watch where they go.

Magic (Baltimore, MD - Age 5)

I had a Matchbox pick-up truck, fluorescent green. I’d somehow gotten it into my head that the light of a full moon could duplicate things, so I left it next to the armchair in the moonlight one night.

When I woke up, there were two identical trucks, nicks and scratches and all. The fact that my secret experiment worked never struck me as odd until much later.

2006, Pitt Campus (Pittsburgh, PA - Age 22)

I’m walking from the Cathedral of Learning down Fifth Avenue towards Craig Street when I see the motorcade to end all motorcades. The first line is police on motorcycles, followed by cop cars, followed by flatbed trucks carrying soldiers. In the air, a police helicopter and a news helicopter. At the center of all this authoritarian attention is a semi-trailer with a dozen extra load-bearing tires.

Atop the bed of the trailer is a huge steel box only slightly smaller than a boxcar. The box is chained down. The news says they are transporting a transformer. During my time at Pitt I’ve seen other motorcades: Kofi Annan’s was a Lincoln Towncar and two bike cops, Bush’s was two limousines surrounded by police in cars and on bikes. Neither had such a visible military escort. According to the news, the transformer weighed something like seven hundred thousand pounds…so how would one even go about stealing it to begin with?

11.16.08/19:02 sub-paranormal

Those weird little paragraphs are an excerpt from a kind of autobiography-thing I'm working on. My idea is this: write a few hundred little paragraphs and group them by theme, disregarding chronological order. These excerpts are from the chapter about creepy, strange things that I've seen or heard about.

Yeah, you can click there to go read the sample chapter. All told, I've got about thirty pages written so far.

11.8.08/17:46 current status

So it seems that silly Sarah Palin article I wrote the other day got more views in one day than peachycomics gets in six months. Guess you never know what people are gonna go for. It was on the first page of search results for 'Sarah Palin' in Google News for awhile, too. Weird.

Egotistical ranting aside, I guess I'm doing pretty well. I started a new 9-to-5, so I'll be able to pay my bills again. 2kyuu is in one month, so I'm stepping up my nippongo-study efforts as well.

Other than that, I don't know. Almost finished with MOTHER 3, thinking about story layouts for a short comic I want to draw, 1/3 of the way through my gruesome memoirs, trying to find some chord progressions for a few new songs, wanting desperately to know why my 'check engine' light is on again...

Yeah, I got nothin'.

11.5.08/19:32 ironman is foxy

11.5.08/19:32 breaking news

bush appoints mccain 'high chancellor'

Washington, DC - In a historically precedented move, President Bush created the office of 'High Chancellor' and appointed Senator McCain to the position. The High Chancellor will function as the head of the Department of Homeland Security and the Armed Forces, and will be allowed to appoint his own advisors. The office of President, to which most of these duties were formerly assigned, will become a largely ceremonial post. Dick Cheney has volunteered to serve as the Chief Advisor to the High Chancellor. [rest of article]

palin already forgotten

Moosejock, AK - At 11:00pm, as Sarah Palin's fifteen minutes of fame expired, she was promptly forgotten by the world. Republican Party officials have reportedly asked to be repaid 150,000 dollars she spent on clothing. [rest of article]

Yeah, I don't know...I felt compelled to write something. I'm excited that so many people are pleased with the way the election turned out. Personally, I've little interest in it because the electoral college nullifies my desire to vote (remember Al Gore?), but it seems like the world is content with America's decision. Maybe next time I go abroad I won't have to pretend to be Canadian.

In case you're interested, you can see a list of and links to every satire article I've ever written by clicking here. If you're wondering why I haven't been sending stuff to bbspot lately, it's because Brian focuses on geek humor. I feel like these last few stories have been either too political or too vulgar for his site.

Also, did you see the notice the picture of my foxy girlfriend?

11.1.08/19:29 pittsburgh in MOTHER 3

I'm planning to do an in-depth post about the release of the translation patch for MOTHER 3. This isn't it. The point of this post is to highlight a little Pittsburgh shout-out that Mato put into his translation. In the original Japanese, I think I remember this text being about a yakisoba stand.

11.1.08/19:21 some spoofs from thespoof.com

You might've seen that 'Zombie McCain' thing I posted last week. If not, you can check it out with the rest of the October posts or go to the archives. Last week I posted a few articles on thespoof.com, you can go check them out there by clicking below.

truth about UFOs finally revealed

Roswell, NM - Two-star General Albert Ford held a press conference today where he finally revealed the truth about what the media and enthusiasts have been referring to as 'UFOs' for the past fifty years. [rest of article]

zombie party endorses mccain

Pittsburgh, PA - The leader of the Zombie Party, Ephraim Klipspringer, said in a statement given at the annual Monroeville Mall Zombie Walk, that his party, "ambles aimlessly behind, er, stands behind McCain 100 percent." [rest of article]

internet 'one snatch away from meltdown'

Silicon Valley, CA - The Internet, a computer network built by NASA scientists as a means of distributing pictures of Britney Spears' vagina, is on the brink of imminent collapse, according to network analyst Ron Powers. [rest of article]

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