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7.23.05/20:24 dirty haiku contest 2005 rules/prizes
You will be able to pick 5 special attacks/skills for your character to use, and the character can either look like you or a design of your choosing. For all prizes, you will get a copy of the PNG files made.
Again, either look like yourself or a design you pick. Have 3 special moves and a few other devastating moves that will do 9999 points of fierce damage to all heroes who dare oppose you.
Your villager sprite will read your dirty haiku to all players who talk to it. Not much of a prize compared to the other two, but you'll be infinitely cooler than all the people who didn't win anything at all, right?
Here are the rules: no dropping of the F-bomb, dirty haiku must have 5/7/5 syllables, must be dirty (duh) and shall be written either in English, Japanese, French, or Spanish. All haiku received written in other languages will be considered on a haiku-by-haiku basis.
all wet and
soapy
That was Sarah's winning entry from the 2003 contest, one of 55 entries she submitted to that contest. This year the limit is 10 per person, because I am lazy and writing that many haiku is almost a form of cheating. Also, I never archived April 2004 until just now for some reason.
Send all entries to jbaugher@rocketmail.com.
The contest ends August 19th. I won't be able to do updates for a few weeks, but I will probably still be able to check my e-mail periodically if you've any questions. I will miss all my loyal readers, both of you, and hope good things happen to you while I'm away. Ja, tanoshimi ni matte-imashita. 7.22.05/11:58 random conglomeration of update
Ikitakereba, the Tokyo Supermarket is located at the end of College street where it intersects with Ellsworth.
[baby one more time] acoustic britney spears cover
Tomorrow the 2005 Dirty Haiku contest explanation and rules will go up, so stay tuned.
Yes, I added 3 new words to the glossary. I used to do that, and I used to do the Japanese Dictionary Project, and I used to do a lot of stuff. Now that I'm an old man I'm just too lazy for that. I always anticipate completing projects and rarely do. In fact, I'm not even going to finish today's post 7.20.05/21:43 nunchaku party #1
7.19.05/09:04 one month of yasumified madness
[http://qwmaynard.blogspot.com/] quinn's blog
He was nice enough to link me, so the least I can do is return the love. I feel like a war veteran, since the only way I can describe my Gaidai friends is by relating adventures we had way back in our youths. By youths I mean last fall, and by adventures I mean daily drinking rituals. And by daily drinking rituals I mean drinking.
Seriously, though, Quinn is a stand-up guy, even if he uses high diction in an effort to isolate himself from the proletariat. If that is why he does it. Quinn: none of us have any idea what you're saying because we don't know them big words!!
And I had aspirations of putting pictures in this post, but am sad to find I have none. I had some really freaking great Kobe pictures until I lost my camera...we were deflowering a mermaid statue and standing next to this 10-year-old with the biggest gun ever and stuff like that. But now it's gone forever, probably still in the lost-and-found in that bar with the elephants in front of it. Zo! 7.17.05/19:32 daikon warrior #18
7.13.05/20:12 controlling my velocipacity
I honestly forgot all about getting drunk that night and hitting on Jeremy's host sister. It was so long ago, though. To be fair it was only one of a dozen times I got drunk and hit on random Japanese girls. I used to be so much fun in my youth, what the hell happened to me in my old age?
Speaking of Jeremy, I will shamelessly plug his site now, his new blog where he is going to post pictures and posts about all his Boston-based hijinx and shenanigans. He was our fearless leader when we were lost and drunk in Japan, someone we could blame when things went wrong and we were too drunk and too tired to tell those hookers 'No.'
[http://jez-sez.blogspot.com/] Jezza's blog
Why does my spellchecker tell me hijinx isn't a word? It's most definitely a word, and a damn good one at that. It's one of the wordiest words that ever worded. Word. And Maria is flat out insisting that I don't shave before this trip. She said with facial hair I can even pass for an adult.
7.9.05/20:44 help is on the way
Sometimes, though, the cables snap loose and the elevator plummets and no amount of pressing that button will help you. All you can do is hope you time your jump right to avoid the impact. Mwahahahaha.
Actually, I read somewhere that you're better off crouching in a corner and keeping your knees kind of relaxed so as to conduct the impact instead of absorbing it, like a shock on a car. But that's completely irrelevant.
The third place winner will get a 'villager' sprite animated to look like said winner and who will read that person's dirty haiku entry whenever you talk to them. Ironically, this is harder to animate than the second place prize.
The second place winner will be a secret boss you can fight to get a secret item. You get to pick 3 or 4 special attacks for your secret boss to use and can choose to have it look like you or whatever you want.
And the first place winner will be animated into the game as a playable secret character with maybe 10 special attack animation skills and special weapons and everything.
I will post the prizes and rules and the fine print again in a few weeks before I go, but this was your heads up to get cracking before everyone else does, o loyal reader of peachycomics. 7.8.05/06:25 flight anxieties
Eric thinks I'm going to get dumped. Jeremy thinks I won't. Jesse thinks I'm intentionally going to get her pregnant, and I think I'm going to be broke. Maria thinks so too. But really, that's all out of my hands and there's nothing I can do about any of it.
After all, I'm just one person. But check out this sweet screen from the test version of Daikon Warrior. If it looks weird, it's supposed to. I'm working on a side-quest where you play as the arch villain and defeat the heroes.
Also the DarkMeister will be available to join your party as a secret character for most of the game (obviously not the end, unless I decide to be really lax about plot inconsistencies). I've been trying to decide what kind of special skills to give him. I'm thinking something with kanji and swordplay. 7.7.05/77:77 tanabata
A weaver, her name was Orihime I think, was of course beautiful and perfect and ten kinds of awesome, and the King of the Cosmos introduced her to her dream boy, Hikoboshi (he was also ten kinds of awesome and posterboy material). It's not relevant, but Hikoboshi was a cow herder.
Then, for no reason, Hikoboshi killed a dragon. We don't know why. But the Queen of the Cosmos took her husband aside and told him that she sympathized with those lazy fornicators, Orihime and Hikoboshi. She told him to lift his ban on their meeting of/with each other or he would get no royal nookie and the Royal Box would remain closed and frigid.
7.4.05/20:38 happy rich-white-men-hating-taxes day!
Speaking of tongues, that's the name of my new song and the final track from lucid pity decanted. You can download and listen to it and even read the lyrics right here. No, it's not in Japanese. If you can figure out what language it's really in, I will give you a prize. E-mail is jbaugher@rocketmail.com.
[tongues] 1.44 MB mp3 file (lyrics)
And FFIV in Japanese is great. The complete lack of kanji appeals to my inability to read them and there's a lot of simple Japanese that I am surprised to be able to understand. I recommend it to all my tomodati who are students of the Japanical Arts. It seems like I remember this game being a lot harder than it is, but maybe that's cause I'm a pro now... 7.1.05/00:05 dorch-bags and sandcastles
Yeah. So I took Megan to the beach. After 11.5 hours of hillbilly towns and endless roads (like Route 19, which stretches for thousands of miles and has only one exit, which doesn't even lead to a single Go-mart), we arrived in Topsoil Island in the northernmost of the Carolinas, North Carolina.
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first prize:
be a secret, playable character in the Daikon Warrior RPG
second
prize: be a secret, nearly unkillable boss
with sweet moves
third
prize: be a villager who walks in randomly
determined patterns
Yesterday
included a trip to the Tokyo Shoten, which was completely awesome
in every way except for the having of poteraangu, which they
didn't. And then she had the nerve to ask me what it is. As if
I'm the crazy one! Also I got one extra bottle of ramune
in case I see Nick-san before I leave.
Before
you make that face, you have to check it out. Once you distill all
of the pop and suck out of that song, you're still left with awful lyrics.
But they're awful, singable lyrics. It was a lot more fun to
learn than I anticipated, since it's basically 5 easy capo 3 chords:
Am, Em,
C, Dm,
and E.
Oh?
What's that? You don't like the blocky look of my characters?
Well, I've heard your criticisms and decided to take steps to ignore them.
Not only is it what I've been going for all along, but it allows for
greater consistency and even animation, should I ever decide to take that
route. Speaking of which, if any of you know anything about digital
animation and want to work on a Daikon Warrior cartoon with me that would
be cool.
It's a button I saw in one
of the elevators at work. It made me really happy for a minute, and
I kind of wish life came with a button like that, you push it, it
lights up, and soon everything will be okay.
In other news, you should
start thinking of dirty haikus now. The next contest will take place
while I'm on vacation and will have not one, but 3 prizes. They are
all spots in the Daikon Warrior game.
I wish I could convince
my doctor that airplanes make me nervous, perhaps then I could score some
zanie bars. But I doubt it. Everyone has their own anxieties
about this trip. My mom thinks I'm going to get married, and so does
the rest of my family.
People
still talk about this story. It supposedly happened a long time ago,
probably not a million years ago, but maybe more than twenty. The
King of the Cosmos (that infamous figure who got drunk one night and
accidentally destroyed the universe), this king noticed that two of his
hard-working subjects were very lonely. Because he had cameras that
could see all his subjects or something, I guess.
But
they were too awesome, because all they ever did was fornicate. They
never got any work done, and this pissed off the King of the Cosmos.
So he banished them to different sides of that milkiest of ways, the Milky
Way. And they couldn't meet, obviously, which provides the conflict
of this story. Everything up to this point was like the exposition,
or the setting, I forget which one. 
Though
the King of the Cosmos was stubborn and refused to acquiesce completely,
he made a compromise: on the seventh day of the seventh month, Orihime and
Hikoboshi could meet for one day. And every year they looked forward
to that day and still do. If you watch the stars, Vega and Altair
cross just once a year on this day. Except it's in August, not July,
and it's for more than a day. But the Japanese don't care about
this, so most of them celebrate Tanabata on July 7th. Also I can't get
over how awesome this guy's chin is. It's like a butt. Why is
that attractive?
I'm
just kidding. I don't hate freedom. Hillbillies, friends,
countrymen: please don't lynch me. Anyway, I'm surprised how much
enjoyment I'm deriving from peeling off all this sunburnt skin. It
comes off in big white sheets about the size of a half-dollar and tastes
salty. Um...I mean that's how I think it would taste if I
were to put it on my tongue.
All
bow before the mighty Anarog of Amaranth 4 and my army of mighty
Zebulonian mercenaries! We may have started from humble beginnings,
as is evidenced by our former headquarters (pictured on the left), but
soon our sphere of influence will spread to neighboring beaches and
eventually we will work our way inland, to your highest mountaintops and
lowest river basins.
And
of course she's adorable and looks irresistible in a bathing suit and had
a nickname bestowed upon her by my grandfather (she's Veggie, I'm Pordie,
Chelsea is Bucketbutt, and Matt is Herman, in case you were wondering).
There was also a beach, some pre-noon drinking, and endless political
banter and Scattergories and the Name Game and walks on the beach with an
infinite number of evil little sand crabs. Somewhere in there,